So Much For A Begining

Well all as it turns out as of five minutes ago I am not pregnant.Yeah it fucking sucks just like always I get all the symptoms and they turn out to be false.Why is this happening to me is the meds they put me on did they fuck me up and now I can't have any more children or does God just hate me.Or is it that everyone else is blessed with gift after gift and I'm only meant to have one like my mom.I'm starting to fucking hate life again but I refuse to go back on my meds I will not foul my body with that toxic crap any longer.
I'm so depressed,and pissed and I hurt and I'm never gonna be able to give the love of my life a special gift.I don't even wanna tell him cause hes just gonna say its ok and we can keep trying but that's not good enough.It will never be good enough.I don't get it why can all these skanky bitches who don't really even want them have all these kids and they can't even take care of them and all I can have is one.

The Shaky Beginning

Well I'm possibly pregnant I'll know in a week or so.My finance is so excited he thinks its twins cause they run in his family I pray that if it is twins at least one of them is a girl but if I know fate it will be boys.Which doesn't bother me just to be pregnant again is a blessing.
I've picked out names if it's a boy and a girl I'll name them Brayden Eries and Emily Rose,if it's to girls I'll name them Emily Rose and Treyla Ariee,and if it's boys I'll name them Brayden Eries and Hayden Skyler.I just hope the father to be is ok with those names if I know him he loves me enough to except my decision.Well I'm outie I'll update you as soon as I know something.