Well people the long suspenseful wait is over I am not pregnant.Yeah I'm disappointed I have a very bad feeling I miscarried cause I feel kinda sick so usually thats a sign of miscarriage anywho here's a video from the day we bagged pumpkin's it's a tour of the house well down stairs anyway.And also a pic from earlier tonight my son playing on the front porch.And the second one is from Monday afternoon.
Yesterday which was Sunday we went outside and filled up pumpkin bags my son was such a big boy I'm so proud of my Jayden he helped the whole time till we were done my mom taped the whole thing on my new camera/camcorder and so here's the video and a pic.
Well I'm still not sure if I'm pregnant because I missed my period which is something I never do no matter what the circumstance.I've taken two tests that both came up negative so if next weekend comes and nothing happens I'm taking another one and if it stills says negative I'm going to the health department.
In other news I got a new digital camera/camcorder that I absolutely love I've already taken over 300 pictures including video with it in the last 3 days.It's white with pink polka dots on the flash lid.I'll be posting new pics and video I've taken on here for you all to see.They're mostly of my son but he's my life right now and so therefore thats what I feel needs to be captured and preserved for one day he'll be grown and off living his own life without me.So better now than never.
Anywho I'll keep you all updated on the baby news peace and hair grease.Oh so yall know some video and pics will be of me so don't be alarmed...haha just joking I'm not scary or anything so have no fear underdog is here.Hahahahahaha.
Well I might be right where I was before waiting to see if I'm pregnant again I'm not getting my hopes up so soon this time I'm just hoping for the best and per pairing for the worst.My fiance says that when he gets his taxes back we'll get a place of our own since right now we live with my step-parents,step-brother and my mother in this new house they just bought in Napoleon its a nice place don't get me wrong it's just there is not enough room as it is and if I'm pregnant or get pregnant there definitely won't be enough room I'm mean my son doesn't have a room of his own as it is.I told Calvin that's my finance that if it turns out I am pregnant he's not paying my step-dad rent anymore oh yeah I said it I mean can you believe that my step-dad makes him pay rent here it's outrageous not to mention ridiculous.I'm starting to get all sorts of ideas in my head about making a little cash I mean I am crafty here people I should be able to make money from all the things I make knitting and what not.Now I just learned how to make pillow cases and blankets out of fabric yes you guessed it I have finally learned to sew.I mean not like I didn't already know how it'd just I never really got into it and developed it like I am now.Any way I could ramble on like this for another whole paragraph but I'll spare you all the melodrama until later I shall keep you updated and trust me you will know as soon as I do if I'm pregers or not.Laterz
Well all as it turns out as of five minutes ago I am not pregnant.Yeah it fucking sucks just like always I get all the symptoms and they turn out to be false.Why is this happening to me is the meds they put me on did they fuck me up and now I can't have any more children or does God just hate me.Or is it that everyone else is blessed with gift after gift and I'm only meant to have one like my mom.I'm starting to fucking hate life again but I refuse to go back on my meds I will not foul my body with that toxic crap any longer.I'm so depressed,and pissed and I hurt and I'm never gonna be able to give the love of my life a special gift.I don't even wanna tell him cause hes just gonna say its ok and we can keep trying but that's not good enough.It will never be good enough.I don't get it why can all these skanky bitches who don't really even want them have all these kids and they can't even take care of them and all I can have is one.
Well I'm possibly pregnant I'll know in a week or so.My finance is so excited he thinks its twins cause they run in his family I pray that if it is twins at least one of them is a girl but if I know fate it will be boys.Which doesn't bother me just to be pregnant again is a blessing.I've picked out names if it's a boy and a girl I'll name them Brayden Eries and Emily Rose,if it's to girls I'll name them Emily Rose and Treyla Ariee,and if it's boys I'll name them Brayden Eries and Hayden Skyler.I just hope the father to be is ok with those names if I know him he loves me enough to except my decision.Well I'm outie I'll update you as soon as I know something.
